The Worst Thing to Say to a New Mom
New moms eventually come up for air, in between bottle-feeding and changing diapers and wiping away their baby’s tears—or their own. And usually, the first adult they’ve spoken to in days will say something like: “Enjoy every moment! It goes by so fast!”
Run-of-the-mill pleasantry? Or a glaring example of toxic positivity? Try the latter. “It creates impossible pressure during an already overwhelming time,” says Brianna Paruolo, a therapist in New York City who hears about this scenario over and over again from new parents. These words, however well-intentioned—and they usually are—“can amplify feelings of inadequacy when a new mom isn’t enjoying sleep deprivation or postpartum recovery.”
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Parents who are simply trying to survive don’t have the time or energy to focus on savoring every moment, Paruolo points out, and that’s normal. Piling on the expectation of enjoyment is not helpful, she stresses.
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